Make A Difference

It’s 6 am in the morning.  My alarm starts ringing.  After a brief struggle, I finally wake up at 6:15.  It’s cold. Very cold.  I open my window to get a glimpse of the outside world.  It’s still dark.  The birds are awake though.  They have started chirping to celebrate the arrival of yet another new day.  I hear the voice of a man coming from the streets. He is singing loudly, enjoying the song as he sings.  There is a depth in his voice.  It has the power to touch the heart and soul.  Who is this person? Why is he singing so early in the morning?  Why is he on the streets?  Many questions flood my mind, the answers to which I don’t have.  I know I never will.  But there is one thing I seem to know about him just by hearing his song.  His song is his contribution to the big, dark world.  It is his attempt to make it better, to set a tune free in a place which could swing from extreme noise to deafening silence. 

It’s around 8 am now.  I’m walking towards my bus stop.  It’s quite sunny now and I’m enjoying walking in the sun.  As I walk, I notice that a little away from the place I stay, there are two people planting saplings along the side of the road.  Dressed casually in tracks and tees, they have a few saplings placed near them, and some water.  Instead of complaining about the pollution, global warming, traffic and fumes, they seem content in doing their little part to make the world better and greener.  This is how they contribute to the world.

I’m waiting for my bus now, when I notice an elderly lady across the street.  She is surrounded by many stray dogs, who are looking at her with the anticipation of getting some food.  The lady has a bag in her hand, and I believe it’s filled with food for the animals. As the dogs eat, they also look at her and wag their tail as a token of gratitude to her.  This lady doesn’t make any profit by feeding strays.  No recognition. No monetary benefit.  But that is not everything. Just a small act of kindness for someone who needs it brings joy to the heart, and she appears very joyful.  This is her contribution to the world.

What appeared to be just another morning brought me to witness three small incidents.  It brought with it a message that each of us can make a small change to the world in our own way.  We never know whose life we might change until we give it a try.  A smile.  A hello. A cup of tea.  A listening ear.  A word of advice.  The list is endless.  There are so many things we can do to make the world a little better.

The world is an ocean and we are all drops of the ocean….

Follow Your Heart!

I recently came across an article about the life of a traveler.  It was written by a person, who had travelled the whole country.  He practiced law for fifteen years, and then moved on to become a full time traveler and explorer.  Here was a man who had dared to follow his heart.  His article managed to leave a mark on my mind.

When we are children, we have infinite number of dreams.  We dream of traveling to space, becoming painters or sculptors, etc; As years move on, we reduce the amount of time we spend dreaming, for obvious reasons. We have exams to clear, colleges to apply to, companies to work for, houses and cars to buy.  It’s not a certain age group that is affected. Students, working professionals, house wives, old people, everyone seems to be going through the same situation.  We no longer have time to think of our passion.  We are not even aware of what it is that would make our heart happy.  I remember speaking to a friend recently. This person has been a football enthusiast throughout his life. During the course of the conversation, I asked him about his interest in football.  To my shock, he told me it has been long since he played or watched a match being played.  He said he didn’t have time for it anymore, and it didn’t interest him anymore. He said he didn’t really have many interests now. He never took time to think about what his hobbies were.  This is just one example I’m quoting.  There are many such people I’ve encountered over the months. I too have been through such phases in my life.

Life has become very fast paced today.  Mornings usually start by checking the ‘Smart Phone’, to check our’ WhatsApp’ pings or social media notifications.  Most of us don’t hear the sound of birds celebrating the onset of a new day.  In some places, birds no longer chirp in the mornings.  In other places, there are no birds.  People hurry to schools, colleges or offices.  No one really remembers what they ate for breakfast. Many people don’t have time for breakfast. Life is being lived mechanically. In a disinterested way.  We are becoming similar to robots.  We have our ear phones plugged in most of the time while travelling, but no one is really aware of which song is being played.  We listen just for the sake of it.

As I reflect on this, I realize how important it is to take some time out to at least know what our interests are.  We might not have a lot of time, but it’s our duty to ourselves to find out what we enjoy doing.  It is not practically possible to leave our current job or study, but a few minutes of contemplation would definitely help.  Once we are aware of what our passions are, we should try and spend some time in pursuing them. We should follow our heart, for a few moments, if not for a long time.  The voice of the heart is a tiny voice within us.  It is a knowing of the truth.  Of our truth. The heart never screams like the ego.  It is gentle, yet firm. 

It wouldn’t be a good idea to reach the grave with regrets that we never tried to follow our heart.  Those regrets would weigh heavily on us.  So before it’s too late, let’s try to make small changes in our lives, and bring in some time for what we truly love doing.

As I conclude, let me share a beautiful quote I read:

“You know all those things you’ve always wanted to do? Go, do them now!” – By Unknown

The Fair or the Unfair

‘Fairness Creams!’. This range of products seems to have captured the hearts of many innocent consumers today.  Every form of media has been used by the companies to reach out to the public.  People from every walk of life have been targeted by these companies.  While the ladies are told that if they are fair, they become lovely, the guys are made to equate fairness to handsomeness. This makes me wonder, how the advertisements propose  ideas which make no sense in reality, and many of us actually believe them, and go ahead and buy the product!

Though I have always known about the existence of these products, I noticed the intensity of the marketing by the companies only recently.  It was a weekend, and I was at home watching TV, when a plethora of ‘fairness product’ ads presented themselves before my eyes.  What I observed from all the ads made me question my reasoning ability and COMMON SENSE.

Let me share a few such observations with you….

A girl, probably in her 20s, doesn't have a job.  She is upset and depressed about it.  As she is sitting in her room thinking about the sadness in her life, her friend breezes into the room, with a plastic smile and a tube of the magical fairness cream in her hand. The friend consoles the girl, and advises her to use the cream day and night, for a few weeks.  The enthusiasm on the friend’s face makes me feel she will probably tell the girl, “Even if you forget to brush your teeth, it doesn't matter, but don’t forget to apply the cream the first thing in the morning!” I’m horrified by my tiny imaginary train of thoughts. Thankfully, the idea of forgetting to brush, but remembering to use the cream is not proposed by the friend!  Getting back to the girl, a few days pass, and we see the shade of her skin changing like the weather of Chennai.  The girl’s face is ’fair and shiny now’ and she takes on the world.  She is surrounded by many job offers.  Innumerable companies, from all over the world, want her to join them.  They give me the impression that they will shut down if she doesn't accept their offer. This is a moment when I want to know who the HR guys of these companies are, and makes me want to ask them if they really hire people this way!  Moving away from the job front, the other parts of the girl’s life have also dramatically changed.  The media now wants to take her photos and interview her, since she is a ‘STAR’.  Her family is proud of her now. Guys who never noticed her before, seem to be mesmerized by her new look.  They learn musical instruments for her, sing songs from SRK’s romantic movies, dance to Prabu Deva’s steps, and even stand in a queue to meet her, with flowers in their hands. Quite a hype? Yes, but it’s not the end of it..

It is not just the ladies who are targeted.  The guys have equally dramatic ads. As an example, let me talk about a famous Indian sportsman, whom I liked a lot, before I spotted him in a ‘Fairness Cream’ ad. This sportsman is not fair, but is extremely good looking. Even today, when I watch him in the ad, I feel sad that he endorses the product and I’m left cold by the shallowness of the ad. Anyways, this is just my point of view.  Coming to the ad, the player uses the cream; and we see his complexion changing from his normal skin tone to some tone that is close to white.  The ‘vampire look’, according to me. We then see how the player becomes famous, confident, and has many girls dancing around him.  I doubt that the advertising guys make him use a pale pink lip color in the ad, probably to celebrate the happiness of turning fair and having girls dance around him!  And I’m here, most certain of the fact that this player is out of my list of ‘CUTE GUYS’. Sob sob.

Then there is the whole range of ads which talks of the power of Ayurveda to make us fair.  A girl is rejected and humiliated during a job interview.  Her father takes the plunge to take revenge from them. And what does he do? He does intense research on the herbs which make a person fair, and creates a cream for his daughter. She uses it for some days, becomes almost white (like the player I spoke about in the previous paragraph), goes back to the company where she was insulted, and gets the job back!  The world is at her feet.  And I’m here wondering, “Really? You’ve got to be kidding me!”

There is another ad that comes to my mind now, where a man has no time for his wife.  He is busy with work, and the lady is sad.  She uses a fairness cream for some days, becomes fair and her face glows like a bulb.  When the man sees the new look of the wife, he decides to make more time for her.  So what the company indirectly tries to tell us is beauty is only external.They try to sell the idea that relationships depend on how good a person looks, and how much his or her face glows and shines.  It’s chilling and sad that many of us unknowing fall for the tactics of these companies, and become their faithful customers.

The ads have made a place in many people’s minds, and the products have started controlling the lives of many people, just like the black creature that caught poor Peter in Spider Man Part 3 and which he had a tough time letting go of.  Many people have made ‘Fairness’ a mandatory criteria while looking for a life partner.  Why? I don’t really know.  People post ads like, 'Looking for a fair to extremely fair, beautiful girl. Caste no bar, age no bar, etc etc..' I really wonder, would the guy agree to get married to an 80 year old FAIR woman, as he has specified that age is not a factor? Another ad I once came across said ‘Extremely fair girl, 26, MBA, looking for good looking, fair MNC boy. Kindly contact….’.  This ad made me wonder what if the girl for whom the ad was posted gets engaged to an extremely fair guy.  This guy happens to get tanned a few days before the wedding, due to some unforeseen circumstance.  May be the guy is a big fan of the sitcom FRIENDS, and destiny makes him watch the episode ‘The One With Ross’s Tan’.  The guy then marks his respect for the sitcom by getting himself tanned!  Would the marriage get postponed or cancelled? Who knows! Let’s hope not.

The print media is also equally affected by the ‘fairness mania’.  I find it risky to open the newspaper early in the morning, when I’m still half asleep. Why? A face, having shiny white skin and shiny white teeth will be grinning at me.  Neatly placed, on the same ad, would be a big picture of the cream that caused so much whiteness.  The expression on the face will then make me want to ask the face ‘Why are you grinning at me like a maniac, early in the morning?’ and say ‘Go, get a life, and let me read the newspaper in peace!’  I remember having accidentally watched a scene from a Hindi movie, where the villain kidnaps the heroine, and drives away with her in a car.  The hero then follows them on a horse. The poor horse is made to run so fast, so as to reach the villain’s car, that I think he would have silently cursed the hero for many years after that.  The hero now jumps from the horse, and the horse turns around and goes back. The hero runs alongside the villain’s car.  The villain is quite scared now.  He still manages to drive.  The hero reaches the front of the car. The villain is really frightened.  The heroine is thrilled and somehow manages to blush in the midst of all the confusion.  The hero stops the car with both his hands, and lifts it up.  The heroine jumps from the car, to the arms of the hero.  The car falls to the ground; its wheels touch the road.  The villain freezes because of fear.  The horse, who ran away a while ago, and who I thought would have silently cursed the hero, comes back to him.  The hero and his lady love climb on to the horse and disappear. What happens next? I have no clue.  This whole scene, in itself made my brain almost remove the word ‘sanity’ from its dictionary.  Seeing a fairness cream ad early in the morning brings the exact same feeling to me.

I could continue writing on this topic for a long time. But would it really make a difference to what is happening? No. So as I conclude this write-up here, I pray that the advertisers make ads that make more sense, and that people choose what they buy wisely, instead of falling into the ‘Whiteness Trap’.  

The Dream

I can see the walls coming closer, my ceiling is moving down towards me.  My room is fast converting into a box.  With all my might, I try to push the walls away.  My palms start to hurt because of the pressure.  I struggle to stop the walls.  The faint light that used to visit my room is not to be seen.  This light was my friend, the tiny ray of hope that seemed to tell me that life hadn’t given up on me completely. I look around, but it’s nowhere to be seen.  All that remains is nothingness and darkness.  The darkness engulfs me, it frightens me, it seems to scorn and mock me.  The world I knew of a few years ago seems like a distant memory now.  The memory of happier times, when life was sane and fair; and light was by my side. It all seems unreal now…an illusion…

The room is small now.  The walls have not stopped moving.  The ceiling is still coming towards me, and is asking me the question that I have dreaded from a long time. “What went wrong? When did the light stop becoming my friend? When did I close myself to the world?  When did I become so hard and cold that nothing could touch me? What went wrong?  I seem to know the answer to the question, yet not know it.  The answer struggles to present itself to me.  I’m feeling suffocated and breathless now.  The walls have almost reached me.  I can’t move, or stretch. I can’t feel anything except numbness.  I am struggling to survive, to exist. 

I need to get out of this box.  It is a box now.  Not a room.  The walls and the ceiling are so close to me now, it can’t be called a room anymore.  I want to see the light, feel the breeze, listen to the sound of the birds, soak in the rain and watch the rainbow.  I want to walk in the cool green grass, watch the blue sky, hold a hand tight, and feel a heartbeat.  I want to break the bonds that surround me, and feel alive again.

“Anything but numb.”

I want to breathe, to feel, to live, to love.  I want to risk being open to life and its experiences.

“Anything but numb.”

Closed is dead. Numbness is nothingness.  It’s the absence of feeling anything. Numbness is bad. 

“Let me be free. Let me be me”, I shout and scream.  Tears roll down my eyes.  Hot tears. Tears of desire- the desire to be free. The desire to be me.

My alarm rings.  It has been ringing for a while now.  I open my eyes. My room is not a box.  Nothing has changed.  Thank God I’m alive, thank God I’m free. I can still feel, I’m not numb.  The light surrounds my room, leaving no room for darkness.  It was a dream, a dream that I hope I never see again.  A dream that masked the reality for a while.  A dream that made me wake up with the realization that it’s a blessing to be alive, to be able to see the light, to be able to breathe, to be able to start afresh.

Connections From Beyond

“Thank God it is a Friday.”, I thought to myself.  It had been a bad week at office and in general.  Work was stressful and hectic and it was just one of those times when I was feeling blue.  I desperately needed to cheer myself up.  My friends and I decided to meet up the next day and visit the beach.  The sea is a place which has immense power to heal and refresh the mind.  Just listening to the waves, allowing the gentle breeze flow past us is magical in itself.

I woke up early the next day, got ready, and boarded a local train to meet my friends.  A visit to the beach in the early morning was what we had planned.  The train was not very crowded and so I found myself a seat without much hassle. Most people were sleeping in the compartment, while some were in deep thought.  After some moments of silence I heard a frail voice near me. It was an old woman who appeared to be in her late eighties.  She was very thin and looked extremely weak; yet I noticed that there was a sparkle in her eyes.  She asked me where I was going and this is how we got talking.  After speaking to her for some time, I came to know that she lived alone.  Her husband had passed away a few years ago.  She had three children – two sons and a daughter, all of whom no longer kept in touch with her.  She was alone, old, sick, and had been rejected by her own children.  Speaking to this lady made me realize that she had an unbroken spirit.  She was a fighter, who fought against all challenges thrown at her by life.

She worked at an NGO which took care of orphaned children.  Being with children made her forget her problems she said, and helped her remain cheerful.  She narrated stories to the kids and they were extremely fond of her.  She was known as Happy Dadi at the NGO.  She had this amazing capability of keeping children engaged in her stories. She added humor, fun and a deep, meaningful message to every story she told.

Seeing her and listening to her was an inspiration.  It was surprising how she managed to be so positive and enthusiastic about what she did, and how she didn’t allow the problems of her life to paralyze her.

We spoke for quite a long time, and it was soon becoming time for her to get down from the train.  Her station would be arriving in another ten minutes or so.  She told me that she wanted to share a few things with me before saying adieu.  What she told me that day did transform my life and those words will be cherished by me throughout my life.  Let me share some of the things I heard from her that day.  She said that each person’s life is like a blank notebook.  What we choose to write on it is upto us.  Other people will force us to write our story according to their wishes.  Whether we agree to it or not is in our hands.  We should guard our book with all our might, and not allow someone else to write or draw something we don’t wish to see.  She told me that our heart speaks to us daily, but we are too busy to listen.  If we just follow what it says, our lives will improve manifold.  She also said that life is short and is passing by us.  It’s better to travel, laugh, eat, sing, dance, learn a musical instrument, and fall in love before it’s too late.  There will be people who will try to dampen our spirit, because they have a dull spirit themselves.  They are people who have lost their dreams somewhere along the way, and are not even aware of it. “Don’t listen to them. Fight for your rights, be a rebel if needed. Before long, old age will come and bring with it weakness and other challenges. Live life before that”, she said.  Her station had arrived and before she got down from the train, she told me to visit the orphanage whenever I was free.  She said my perspective of life would change by doing that, and this did happen. 

In today’s world, we are so occupied with our own lives. We don’t have time to appreciate the simple things of life, like watching the stars at night, going for a walk in the green, hearing the chirping of the birds.  Everything has become a race. We hardly take time to reflect.  We live in a world where we are always in touch with others through many apps and social networking sites. This lifestyle can sometimes leave us drained.  But when we take some time out and look at someone who is not as privileged as us, then we begin to stop complaining about our life.  We realize that no matter what, we are blessed. When we help someone in need, healing takes place within our self. 

Every time I feel I lack inspiration and drive, I think of the old lady and what she told me, and I put my life back on track.  My problems start to disappear or I at least have the strength to face them.Two strangers who happened to travel together by chance, had a conversation that transformed the life of one of them.  It is a miracle how we sometimes cross path with people who are unknown to us, and we feel connected to them.  We are able to talk and share with them much more than we would with many people we have known for many years. These are connections sent to us from beyond, and by opening ourselves to them, we make way for beautiful things.

The Polished Dowry Seeking Jerk

Avni! My best friend.  My buddy since childhood.  She had called to tell me that her wedding was fixed.  To whom? Some guy called Mihir, working in a huge software company at Bangalore.  Mihir was an ex-IITian and had been a topper in his studies throughout.  He worked abroad for a few years, where he seemed to have earned a fortune.  Now he was back to India, ready to get married to a beautiful and decent Indian girl and settle down.  

Avni and I had known each other since nursery; hence we understood each other really well.  She was a simple and fun-loving girl.  She had been in a relationship with a guy from her class during college.  After their studies got over, the guy moved to another country and the relationship ended.  Avni had a tuff time overcoming the breakup.  After a few years of being single, her parents decided to find a partner for her. This is when Mihir’s proposal came through one of the wedding sites, which are like the Facebook of Indian Matrimony.  Horoscopes were matched, the families met, and the wedding was fixed.  Avni’s family was happy that she had found a well educated boy, hailing from a good family, having a great job.  

I met Avni a few days later.  I had never seen her so happy since a long time.  She seemed to be in a world of her own, and I am sure Mihir was at the core of it.  She smiled and blushed for no reason, and had a glow on her face which comes when one is happy from within.  Avni said Mihir was the sweetest guy she had ever come across.  He was caring, sensitive and made time to talk to her in spite of his hectic work schedule.  I thought I was witnessing a perfect fairy tale.  Avni had finally found her Mr. Right, and I was happy for her.

Two weeks passed. I was busy with my work.  My mom asked me about Avni, and her marriage preparation.  I realized I hadn’t heard from her all this time.  I called her but her phone was switched off.  Her Whatsapp showed an old date.  There were no mails or unread chats from her.  I was worried now.  What was wrong? Had something happened to her? Desperate, I called her mother and asked for her.  Her mother said she was in her room and went to give her the phone.  In a few minutes, I heard a faint “Hello” from Avni.  Her voice seemed weak, although she tried to appear normal.  Her wedding had broken.  The reason? Mihir’s family demanded a huge fortune from her family and threatened to break the wedding if the money was not given.  When asked why they didn’t bring up the topic earlier, they said they waited for the wedding to be fixed, so that Avni’s father would not be able to say ‘No’ to the demand.  Avni’s father, outraged with this behaviour, broke the marriage.  Avni called Mihir after this, thinking that it was just his family who had made this unreasonable demand. She expected him to have understood her and her family as he had spoken to her so many times and he seemed like a person with principles and values.  But the Mihir she spoke to now was a completely different person.  A stranger. He didn’t feel that his family had done something wrong, and instead blamed her parents for being misers.  He said he expected her to have been more understanding and to have spoken to her parents making them agree to the demand.  The conclusion? That was the last time Avni spoke to Mihir.  His chapter was closed by her forever.

In today’s world, on one hand we say we have advanced so much, yet on the other hand we still come across people like Mihir and his family.  Mihir was well educated, had a good job, had the exposure of living in a foreign land, and he belonged to a well-to-do family.  Yet, what made him behave like this? And, what about the times he spoke to Avni as though he cared? Would he not miss her even a little bit if she was not around in his life?  Was it so easy for him to erase her from his life?  Was money a reason strong enough for him to stop being with her?  The harsh reality is that there are many Mihirs in our country even today.  Their homes are big, bank accounts are even bigger, but their hearts are cold and hard.  They are like robots that have been pre-programmed.

Though it was difficult for Avni to overcome the broken wedding, I feel she was saved from being married to a jerk who would treat her well as long as she brought him money.   The moment she encountered a problem in life, he would escape.  She would have to deal with it alone. People like Mihir will never be satisfied with their life, and they will make everyone’s lives miserable.

 So now what?  Well, Avni is single, but she keeps herself busy with her work and things that make her happy.  She is grateful to have not married Mihir.  It is better to be alone a little while longer than to be with someone who doesn’t value relationships.  She has resolved to make each day of her life count, by making the most of it.

As for Mihir, I heard he got engaged to some rich and beautiful girl.  Some businessman’s daughter.  Someone who can afford the money his family asked, and who doesn’t find it morally wrong to be part of the practice.  My advice to Mihir and his fiancée? I don’t really care.  I am happy that my lovely friend Avni is safe and free!