The Polished Dowry Seeking Jerk

Avni! My best friend.  My buddy since childhood.  She had called to tell me that her wedding was fixed.  To whom? Some guy called Mihir, working in a huge software company at Bangalore.  Mihir was an ex-IITian and had been a topper in his studies throughout.  He worked abroad for a few years, where he seemed to have earned a fortune.  Now he was back to India, ready to get married to a beautiful and decent Indian girl and settle down.  

Avni and I had known each other since nursery; hence we understood each other really well.  She was a simple and fun-loving girl.  She had been in a relationship with a guy from her class during college.  After their studies got over, the guy moved to another country and the relationship ended.  Avni had a tuff time overcoming the breakup.  After a few years of being single, her parents decided to find a partner for her. This is when Mihir’s proposal came through one of the wedding sites, which are like the Facebook of Indian Matrimony.  Horoscopes were matched, the families met, and the wedding was fixed.  Avni’s family was happy that she had found a well educated boy, hailing from a good family, having a great job.  

I met Avni a few days later.  I had never seen her so happy since a long time.  She seemed to be in a world of her own, and I am sure Mihir was at the core of it.  She smiled and blushed for no reason, and had a glow on her face which comes when one is happy from within.  Avni said Mihir was the sweetest guy she had ever come across.  He was caring, sensitive and made time to talk to her in spite of his hectic work schedule.  I thought I was witnessing a perfect fairy tale.  Avni had finally found her Mr. Right, and I was happy for her.

Two weeks passed. I was busy with my work.  My mom asked me about Avni, and her marriage preparation.  I realized I hadn’t heard from her all this time.  I called her but her phone was switched off.  Her Whatsapp showed an old date.  There were no mails or unread chats from her.  I was worried now.  What was wrong? Had something happened to her? Desperate, I called her mother and asked for her.  Her mother said she was in her room and went to give her the phone.  In a few minutes, I heard a faint “Hello” from Avni.  Her voice seemed weak, although she tried to appear normal.  Her wedding had broken.  The reason? Mihir’s family demanded a huge fortune from her family and threatened to break the wedding if the money was not given.  When asked why they didn’t bring up the topic earlier, they said they waited for the wedding to be fixed, so that Avni’s father would not be able to say ‘No’ to the demand.  Avni’s father, outraged with this behaviour, broke the marriage.  Avni called Mihir after this, thinking that it was just his family who had made this unreasonable demand. She expected him to have understood her and her family as he had spoken to her so many times and he seemed like a person with principles and values.  But the Mihir she spoke to now was a completely different person.  A stranger. He didn’t feel that his family had done something wrong, and instead blamed her parents for being misers.  He said he expected her to have been more understanding and to have spoken to her parents making them agree to the demand.  The conclusion? That was the last time Avni spoke to Mihir.  His chapter was closed by her forever.

In today’s world, on one hand we say we have advanced so much, yet on the other hand we still come across people like Mihir and his family.  Mihir was well educated, had a good job, had the exposure of living in a foreign land, and he belonged to a well-to-do family.  Yet, what made him behave like this? And, what about the times he spoke to Avni as though he cared? Would he not miss her even a little bit if she was not around in his life?  Was it so easy for him to erase her from his life?  Was money a reason strong enough for him to stop being with her?  The harsh reality is that there are many Mihirs in our country even today.  Their homes are big, bank accounts are even bigger, but their hearts are cold and hard.  They are like robots that have been pre-programmed.

Though it was difficult for Avni to overcome the broken wedding, I feel she was saved from being married to a jerk who would treat her well as long as she brought him money.   The moment she encountered a problem in life, he would escape.  She would have to deal with it alone. People like Mihir will never be satisfied with their life, and they will make everyone’s lives miserable.

 So now what?  Well, Avni is single, but she keeps herself busy with her work and things that make her happy.  She is grateful to have not married Mihir.  It is better to be alone a little while longer than to be with someone who doesn’t value relationships.  She has resolved to make each day of her life count, by making the most of it.

As for Mihir, I heard he got engaged to some rich and beautiful girl.  Some businessman’s daughter.  Someone who can afford the money his family asked, and who doesn’t find it morally wrong to be part of the practice.  My advice to Mihir and his fiancée? I don’t really care.  I am happy that my lovely friend Avni is safe and free!

Love – An irresistible flavor of the heart!!

Sunday has always been my favorite day of the week for the obvious reason that it is always a HOLIDAY! No alarm to wake me up, no train to catch, no swiping in at office, no onsite calls. In short – a day to relax and just be happy. 

It was a Sunday, and I was on my way to meet up with my friends for lunch.  I  was in the bus, when I saw an old couple get in.  They appeared to be in their late 70s or early 80s. The lady (whom I will be referring to as aunty) wore a sari, had a big Bindi on her forehead, her hair was adorned with jasmine flowers. She looked beautiful, in spite of her age.  The man (uncle) wore a simple cotton kurta and pajama. Both of them found it a little difficult to get into the bus, because of their age.  I noticed how uncle helped aunty get in,  ensured that she was safe and fine, and held her hand till she sat on the seat.  There were other vacant seats in the bus, and aunty prompted him to go and sit. But uncle chose to stand near his wife.  I noticed how they enjoyed each other’s company, and how comfortable they felt being with each other. It was mutual. They got down from bus after a few stops.  All through their journey I could see their care and concern for each other. This experience  touched me a lot as I realized how love makes its presence felt during random moments of life.  

In today’s world, everyone is so busy with their own lives and relationships have become complicated.  Everything in life is like a race today.  People get into relationships without even knowing the other person well enough.  You see the relationship status going from single to committed and back to single in a week’s time. People get married and then start wondering why they got married in the first place. They don’t take time out with each other and a communication block starts.  They stop sharing the small and big things in life, and eventually they have moved so far away, that the relationship has been destroyed. May be people are in such a hurry with their lives,that they don't take time to stop and share their experience with the other person.  Though this is the connected age, where people are just a click away, I sometimes wonder if this is bringing people closer or making them more isolated?  Can the internet, and the smart phone replace real communication ? Well, not necessarily so. 

I have always enjoyed Fairy Tales, and happy endings.  But the real world and what happens in it freaks me out, and sometimes makes me wonder if there is anything like love? But it is the tiny incidents like my encounter with the cute old couple that makes me believe that love still exists and shows up when we least expect it to. No matter how complicated we try and make our lives, it will still be there in the world.  And it will keep showing up until we acknowledge it and believe in it.  

I believe that Love is an irresistible flavor of the heart!

Local Trains and What You See..

Train. Yes. One of the most common modes of transport for most Chennaites, which includes me too, as I’ve been here for around 2 years now.  I spend close to an hour in the train daily and these 60 minutes are interesting since I encounter many kinds of co-commuters.  My observation is closed to the Ladies compartment only, as this is what I always board.

The walls of the train compartment will almost always have some info on weird job offers.  Like, “Earn Rs. 10001 in a week. Government approved job.  Call the following number...”.  The strange thing is these job offers (which are written on bright yellow, or pink papers) will be pasted next to the railway warning saying “Bill Stickers Will Be Prosecuted.”   It is rightly said “Strange are the ways of the world!”

Now coming to the people I’ve met during my time in the compartment.  It is said that women love to talk and express themselves.  This according to me is a good thing about us. But the specific set of lady folk I am referring to here, seem to have taken this belief way too seriously! They talk about their life, their neighbour’s life, their maid’s life, and probably their maid’s neighbour’s life too.  Sometimes about the story of the previous episode of some famous TV serial- why the hero is in ICU, and the villain is plotting to marry the hero’s girlfriend, how many idlis did the villain’s mother eat, what is the color of the tail of the dog in the hero’s house. Why is it less brown today than it was yesterday! Is it the water? Well, you might think, how is it that I know all this. Well, anyone traveling is, by default included into the conversation as a listener, even if she is not aware of it! The best way to save ourselves is to always have some cotton or ear phones with us. 
 

The next group of people are those for whom music is life.  Yes! They have their ear phones plugged into their ears and they are constantly swaying to the beats! Even if Shaktimaan waves at them from outside, they will not notice him, as the only world they are aware of is that of music.  I feel sad for Shaktimaan. 

The laptop lovers are another set of people who can be spotted in the train.  They enter the train, find a seat, and the next thing – their laptops are switched on.  There is nothing more I can say about them.  And so, moving on...

The Zombies! Yes, those people who seem to have watched the movie ‘Go Goa Gone’ and taken it too seriously! They will stare at you from head to toe with no expression at all.  If they are seated right opposite to you, then mind you! Even if the Samosa-vala offers to give a free samosa to all the passengers, they wouldn’t know. If he offers chutney along with the samosa, they still wouldn’t know.  (The chutney being talked about here is an imaginary concept.  You will never get chutney with Samosa in trains here.)The train might halt; the train might have reached the shed.  Yet, they will remain zombies and zombies only stare! 

Moving on...

How can I miss out the diners?  The people who treat the train as an extended part of their homes – their dining hall.  They will have a dabba, which when opened will contain some snack along with some smaller dabbas, which would exhibit the yummiest kinds of chutneys and pickles! The aroma will make you wish you were their friend/neighbour, so that you would also be offered some. At this moment, I somehow always remember the Sanjeev Kapoor show, where he tastes the food and goes “ mmmmm..., this is yummy.”  And you somehow always wish you too were on the show, and had the privilege to taste some of the food and go “mmmmm...I agree”.

Now, imagine this! There are a whole bunch of free seats, yet they choose to relax on the floor of the train. Yes. These are the people who have confused me the most, as I fail to understand them.  The whole train might be free, but these ladies will sit at the entrance of the train, on the floor.  They will sit in groups, talk, sing, look out into the air, eat. In short the travel is like a holiday for them. A basket, some bags, water bottles, and other things will be neatly placed near them.  For those of us getting down in the next station, reaching the door could sometimes seem like a warm up session in the gym.  We will have to jump, and hop and sometimes even wrestle.  We also need to pray to all the Gods in heaven to help us cross these people and reach the door of the train on time.  Chances are, we would be a step away from THE DOOR, and the train would start moving. This is the exact moment when we wish Spider man came swinging by into the compartment and took us out of there.  Something like this hasn’t really happened till now, as far as I am aware. Hence, this is one of those moments which come under Irony of the highest order.

Another very interesting group are those who go off to sleep just after getting into the train.  Once they are asleep, we can see their head move from the shoulder of the person at their left, to the person at the right. At times, the head moves in a circular direction.  It’s like a free demonstration of YOGA FOR THE NECK.  It doesn’t end with Yoga! A little later, the snoring starts, and continues till the person next to them threatens to complain at the station. The snorers are thankfully not very common, but if they happen to be around, it could make you wish you owned a train of your own or had wings and could fly to work.

There are many more kinds of people.  The flower lovers who think the train is a garden.  They will have bags of flowers placed near their seats.  The flowers sometimes bring to mind famous movies like DDLJ, where SRK and Kajol run around in a field of flowers. These ladies will be busy making garlands with the flowers.  They will be so engrossed in what they are doing, that even if a person asks them for some space to sit, they wouldn’t notice.  Flower effect? Perhaps...not sure though!!Then there are the ones who chant and sing hymns, and are in constant prayer. Another common set of people are the vegetable and fruit vendors.  They come in an army of 3-4 and scatter into various parts of the compartment. They advertise their sells so loudly that your hands automatically reach the purse and you contemplate on offering some crisp notes to them, in return for some healthy stuff.  All you wish for at the moment is that your station is next and you can get off from the train and find some silence.

And then the rare traveller.  Sometimes, guys forget to read the ‘LADIES’ sign outside the compartment, and get into it.  This doesn’t normally happen, but sometimes an unlucky and unsuspecting guy does board the compartment at his own risk.  By the time the guy notices he’s in the wrong place, the train would have left.  There are chances that the guy then gets some scolding from the women nearby, just like the Saas Bahu serials on TV. (The sound effects are missing though). By the time the train reaches the next station, he probably promises to himself that he will be extra careful next time! 

Each day brings a new story, a new journey, a new discovery. Traveling in suburban trains is an experience.  Even though we don’t intend to, we learn and observe the variety of people living in this world! This brings to my mind a famous saying, “After all each one of us is unique and each person has a story to tell.”

Not Yet Married ? Huh !!

“Don’t worry Beta. You will also get married soon.  Everything will be fine.”, said Aunty X (a family friend) as she was going to get herself a Gulab Jamun at the function venue.  Well, you would now think ‘What function?’. The answer to which would be a WEDDING. Yes. We were at the wedding of my mom’s friend’s daughter Tanvi.   Tanvi had just completed her graduation, and by the time she was in her last semester, her profile was ready and shining on all the leading matrimonial sites.  After a brief hunt for Mr Right (during which she and her parents encountered many Mr Wrongs), she finally found the true Mr Right (or let’s hope so).  The guy is a Doctor, and hence the marriage is considered a perfect one!

Coming back to what I was saying, I was a little puzzled as to how to reply to Aunty X.  So I thought it best to just give her a plain, big smile.  Aunty X responded with a sympathetic smile, which looked like one in some TV serial I’ve seen, not able to recall which one though!  She had a consoling look on her face, and for a moment I was scared thinking what if she starts weeping because of my “Non- married” status.  Thankfully, she didn’t.  And left for the Gulab Jamun.

A while after the “Aunty X” encounter, I was sitting and working on finishing my ice cream.  Mom was busy speaking to a friend she met, and my cousin was playing a game on her phone. There were people all around in the wedding hall, dressed in the shiniest, brightest saris, lehangas, salwars ever.  The place also seemed perfect for a Gold Advertisement Project.  People covered themselves with necklaces, bangles, rings, earrings, so much so that I feel leading gold companies would have felt proud of their importance in these people’s lives.  This seemed their moment of accomplishment and success.  Most gold ads tell us that the source of a girl’s true happiness is directly proportional to the gold she wears.  Her dreams, her life, her passion all centres around this yellow metal.  If you have 3 rings, you are happy.  But if you have one around each finger, then you have attained bliss.  What if you are just too lazy to have yourself covered with the glittering metal ? Well, then something must be seriously wrong with you! May be you are an outcast! Go watch BappiLehari’s songs.  Learn about the importance of the metal from him.

As I looked around, I couldn’t help but think of the “Aunty X” encounter.  I didn’t feel angry about her wedding advice, and the consoling smile (which frightened me a little as I mentioned earlier).  What I couldn’t understand was why was I being consoled.  Did Aunty X see me and feel I was sad? Or was this how the Aunty X clan treated all ‘Yet To Be Married’ people? I think it by all means is the  latter option. I at least choose to believe so.

Once you’ve completed studies, and have landed yourself a job, the world expects you to settle down.  Yes. “Settle Down” is the phrase! The phrase that haunts most of us “non-married” people.  There is nothing wrong in these two words. Why blame the phrase or the two words.  After all, they are just part of the English vocabulary. But why do people, who don’t even know you well enough, advice you on one of the most sensitive topics of your life? Don’t worry, I won’t ask you for the answer. The answer to this question has always been unknown.  May be that is just how the society is, filled with Aunty Xs and Ys, who ask THE question and disappear, and leave you pondering over what the answer could be.  They ensure that you have enrolled in all the matrimonial sites, put in all the very important details about yourself like your height, weight, complexion, and of course- a photograph of yourself preferably in a Sari, topped with jewellery. These matrimonial sites have convinced Aunty Xs that they are made for you to find your Mr Perfect.  The good guy.  What according to the Aunty X clan does ‘Perfect’ or ‘Good’ mean? Is it the guy with an MNC job? The guy whose salary figure boasts of a number followed by I-don’t-know-how-many-zeroes? The guy who is tall and good looking? And has the moustache that could give other guys a feeling of insecurity? The guy who owns a car? Or who doesn’t talk much and is the shy and intellectual kind? Or the guy who knows all the mantras and shlokas in all the books ever published? Or the guy who hates smoking and drinking so much that he refuses to watch movies which show people smoke or drink? Well, you never know. 

The highlight of the Aunty X trend is that it doesn’t end at some function. You could bump into them at the mall, or at the theatre, or the gym or even the loo (if you are that unlucky). It’s always best to be prepared for an Aunty X wherever you are!  If she meets you, and greets you, then you should be sure that you will be asked THE question (“Why did you reject the proposal of the Engineer from US, whose room is filled with GOLD medals?”, or given THE advice (“There is a GOOD boy, from a GOOD family, having a GOOD job and GOOD salary and GOOD looks, living in Goodland.  My advice to you is be a GOOD girl and say Yes to his proposal!”) 

I came out of my train of thoughts, when my phone started ringing.  It was Tata DOCOMO, trying to market its latest offers I guess, by playing some unheard songs.  I cut the call.  I just realized one thing, that seemed to make me peaceful.  Aunty Xs and Ys, will always exist.  They will never understand that you can be happy even if you are not married yet.  Even if you don’t like covering yourself up with gold, and get screwed up trying to wear a Sari. Even if you haven't found your Mr. Perfect yet and  find it difficult to relate to their concept of ‘Good guys’ and ‘Perfect Ones’.  Their questions will always be asked.  The answers will never be enough.  Just like how TV serials never stop.  They continue.  It’s up to us to tune into something else.  

I finished the last part of my ice cream, and headed for the next.  I decided to get myself some carrot halwa too, to treat myself for the discovery I had made!  On my way, I saw Aunty X sitting near another person of my non-married race, with the same sympathetic TV serial look. 

I turned and rushed towards the desserts !